Thoughts from the Freezer

Hello, wonderful people!

In case the title didn't make it alarmingly clear, I am cold. No, freezing. I have to stop typing every few seconds and warm up my fingers, because the heat is not yet on in my dorm, and according to the weather app on my phone, it is a whopping 30 degrees outside. Actually, I'm thankful for that because it was NINE degrees last night (without taking windchill into account!), and so it was all I could do to prevent myself from freezing into a Sarah-sicle.

You might ask why on earth the heat would not be on in a dorm in Massachusetts on a raw January night, but it's probably because term hasn't officially started. The dorms aren't even supposed to officially open until 2pm tomorrow, but I returned early to rehearse for HMS Pinafore, the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta that Gordon campus will be presenting in just a few short weeks. As is usual with theater, rehearsals are long and demanding, but I'm having so much fun! (Thankfully, the most dramatic thing that's happened to date [at least, that I'm aware of] is someone opening the door to the "main cabin" inward, instead of OUTward, like it was hinged. The wood of the door was so thin that, when opened the wrong way, the door simply splintered away from the hinges themselves, but it was able to be fixed. Phew!)

At first, I admit, I was regretting giving up more than a week of my winter break, but it's well worth it. I don't get very many opportunities to sing anymore, since I couldn't fit Women's Choir into my schedule, and I can't read music besides--and, for the icing on the cake, Mom flew up with me when I came back last Monday, so I got to enjoy her wonderful company for a few more days! Rehearsal and family--I wouldn't mind it being that way all semester, come to think of it. I think giving up a week to participate in a production is better for me in the long run, since I'm such a goal-oriented person; it would be really hard to come back from a one-month break, only to have nothing but weeks of academia stretching out before me. :P Thank goodness I have a fun show to work towards as campus gears back up later this week!

We Gordonians actually have a really long break--one month! Holy hippogriffs, to use one of my favorite phrases. This was one of the craziest Christmases I can remember, but still good and the break was much needed. I miss my family like nobody's business already. Classes begin on Thursday, and many more people should be coming back in the next two days, so the ghost town that is currently Gordon College should hopefully revive shortly. It's kind of creepy how quiet campus has been, to be perfectly honest. Praise God that Gordon is one of those places where it is still safe, despite its ghost-town-feel.

Perhaps this is an opportunity for me to say something that's been on my heart awhile. In the quiet, I've been able to hear myself think, thus have quite a few thoughts stored up on this particular subject. Brace yourselves.

Firstly, it bugs the heck out of me that, as soon as one heads off to college, our culture expects one to be fully mature and self-sufficient. Secondly, it appears to me as though missing your family, at least at college, comes across as...immature. I know this is definitely not always true, and if you asked a lot of people they'd tell you that there's definitely nothing wrong with missing your family--yet this is how it seems. I know I miss my family desperately, yet no one else seems to. I know that others do indeed miss their families; I just never see it because they never show it. Or, if they do, it's a thing that's mentioned offhand, blown off as kind of a "Yeah, whatevs--that's just the way things are." But my question is, Why? Why is this the case?s

I'm ashamed to say that, as I sometimes lie in bed at night, crying, and longing for my mom, I feel a sense of shame. Why do I feel shame for something that ought to be perfectly normal!? Why do I feel ashamed of my own weakness--why do I even consider it a weakness!--to be missing my family so much, when separation anxiety should be a perfectly natural response, especially considering we're separated by 613 miles!

There is undeniably something about our culture that dictates that crying for one's mother in adulthood is unacceptable. After you're past the age where you called your parents to pick you up from your first sleepover in Kindergarten, you no longer have any excuse. Reaching adulthood suddenly makes dependence, physical and emotional, a source of shame. While many cultures hold family connections as the most crucially important of bonds, would rather wither than sever the roots of their family tree, our culture does the opposite. In an era and a culture where the "normal" family is the one where the child sees one parent only on weekends and every other Wednesday, independence has become not just a coping mechanism, but an idol. It is not the way things ought to be. At all. And I HATE it. Unabashedly.

Though, in an odd, backwards way, I'm glad to be missing my family so much still. I know that I'm blessed with something many college students are not--a whole, peaceful and deeply loving family to miss. Praise be to God.

Anyway, thus are my musings for the day. Prayers for a good semester, academically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, etc....would be greatly appreciated. Lots of love to all!

Blessings,

Sarah

Lizzy, Darcy, and Me

Good grief.

When I started this blog, I told myself that I would post every 1-2 weeks. Ha. Granted, that was before a. the reality of college life hit me, and b. I was cast in a play during my first semester. But now I realize I haven't posted since rehearsals had only just started. I apologize, although I confess I'm rather sorry for myself as well, because it means I have all the more to include in a single post!

Rehearsals went very well. Since my part was small (I doubled characters; I was Madame Lefroy in Act 1 and Alethea in Act 2) I had less lines to learn, which not only meant less stress, but more time to observe the older students in their roles. The cast was comprised of 3 seniors, a junior, a sophomore, and 2 freshman (including myself). They were all so good, and I learned so much from them. It was a great deal of firsts for me: my first college production, my first time wearing a snood, my first time switching dialects within a play (Irish in Act 1, British in Act 2); the first time that I've owned character shoes (an absolute necessity for college theater!), the first time I've gotten to experience Jeff's awesome directing and the wonderful collaboration of the Gordon Theater Department--the list goes on and on.

Now, I know you're going to want to know all the juicy details of behind-the-scenes catastrophes. *shrugging melodramatically* Other than 2 seperate injured knees in our mere 7-person cast, the time I knocked a drinking glass off of the seating unit and shattered it while re-entering for Act 2 during the dress rehearsal, a lost prop, getting makeup on the one piece of my costume that couldn't be washed, the freak October snowstorm that blew in on the final night of performances and screwed up everyone's travel plans, and the multiple times when I lost my balance while curtsying--quite embarrassing--it went off without a hitch! [And those aren't even all the incidents, but I want to spare myself and my fellow actors our reputations.] :)

In any case, nobody died, nobody got dramatically sick (although naturally I did have a runny nose that particular week), on the whole we all remembered our lines, and it got rave reviews, so I personally consider the production a success! Mom, Dad and Rachel all came up for the final performance, as well as my wonderful New Jersey relatives!--We had a blast celebrating Rachel's 14th birthday over 3 successive days, thanks to Crumbs Bakery cupcakes, presents, birthday cake baked in the Lewis Dorm kitchen, and the freak October snowstorm that made the roads too icy for church and caused us to instead drive only a short distance to a Dunkin Doughnuts and have a birthday breakfast, complete with decorations and a candle in her leftover cupcake from Crumbs.

And now back to the real world. Thankfully, I now have more time to focus on my studies, and my studies are kindly obliging by giving me greater amounts of work in order to fill that extra time. You've heard of post-traumatic stress disorder? Well, as of this moment, I've invented a condition called post-production lack-of-stress disorder, or PP LOS. This is the only way I can think to describe it: we've worked nonstop for 2 months to get this thing off the ground, we've been in rehearsal nearly every evening from 6:45 to 10pm while managing to not flunk out of school, we've just had 10 days of performances--and suddenly, BAM--it's over. No more rehearsals, no more productions, no more anything. Just a whole lot of time, which you haven't had for so long that it feels unnatural not to have somewhere you're supposed to be or something you're supposed to be doing.

Ah, the life of a theater major.

In addition, it's a bit of a downer, at least for me personally, because I've had this goal in sight and have been working towards it for so long, that all of a sudden, I don't have any goal other than to get through my work. I like to be productive as much as the next person, but I have to have something other than simply the day's end to work towards; something more fun to look forward to. Thinking in this fashion, it's no small wonder that I was depressed for some time afterward, especially since Mom, Dad and Rachel left at the end of that weekend. It's still just as hard to say goodbye to them as it was at the beginning.

I think I've gotten lonelier as the semester has progressed. At the beginning, you have your new routine to adjust to, new classes, new friends, new food, new independence--all the sheer newness keeps you busy. But after you've at least somewhat found your routine, it lets your mind wander to what you've left behind, at least, in my case.

Wow. And now, to move on to a less depressing topic.

I come home for Thanksgiving in less than 2 weeks, and I can't WAIT! I don't care if I have a Final Project due for Intro to Theater on Tuesday the 29th, the rough draft of my final TGC essay due the next day, and my second Philosophical Reflection essay due for The Examined Life that Saturday; I am going to enjoy my time with my beloved family!!! I fully intend to keep up my personal tradition of making the pumpkin pie while watching the Macy's parade Thanksgiving morning.

I miss you. Yes, you--you who are currently reading this blog. I miss all of you. To quote the outrageous cliche, "There's no place like home!"--because there isn't.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to see all of you in person over Thanksgiving, but please know that I love you all. May the Lord bless you and keep you (Numbers 6:24-26).

Blessings,

Sarah

The cRaZy Collegiate Life

Salve!

If you inquire as to the greeting, it is the Latin word for "hello". I am quite excited--thanks to 7 years of Latin with Magister Jackson, I have tested out of my language requirement in the core curriculum at Gordon! Gosh, I wonder just what I'll do with all that free time...(and yes, that was, in fact, sarcastic. Nonetheless, I am very happy.) Gratias, Magister! J

How am I doing? It honestly depends on the day. Some days I am okay, other days I am anything but.

In terms of my workload, my friend Connor summarized things quite well in his facebook status the other day, so I quote him: "so. much. reading." But I'm managing okay. I am still very homesick, and I am always swamped with work, but things will only get busier from here.

I auditioned for the fall production of Lizzy, Darcy, & Jane. It's written by Joanna Norland, and it's wonderful. Not only is our production the American premiere (!) but we get to do British accents! YES.

I say “we” because I have, in fact, been cast. I know I should be thinking, "Wow--what a blessing", but I'm honestly not sure yet. A small part, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it’s less of a responsibility to shoulder at a time when I am already shouldering more responsibilities than I have ever had before in my life, which I elaborated on in the previous post. It does mean that I don't have to be in rehearsal every day. One part of me was crushed that I didn’t get one of the roles I was really hoping for, but it will allow me to get the feel for what college productions are like. As Dad put it, there is a “seniority ladder” one must climb.

Speaking of which, I have to say a thing or two about humility. Being a freshmuffin all over again really has allowed me to discover just how subtle, how conniving and deadly an enemy pride truly is. I confess I still thought I was a pretty good actress, even as a newcomer. I thought myself relatively equal to the others at the auditions. I thought I would make a good candidate for the roles I really wanted. And the worst of it all is that I had--until now--thought myself to be a relatively humble person. But I am around students who are far more experienced and who are, truthfully, far more talented than I am.

I suppose my purpose in saying this constitutes a reality check. Look at your life. Recognize the pride that is radiating from your subconscious ego that you never knew existed. It’s like having your hand resting on a stove that once was cold, but slowly grew blazing hot, and you never feel the blistering pain until you pull your hand away. And it is Amazingly Not Fun.

Production dates are listed on the Gordon website, along with a brief play description—just do a search for Lizzy, Darcy & Jane.

In other news, yesterday was the inauguration of Gordon College’s 8^th president, Dr. Michael Lindsay. He is a wonderful man—young, energetic, enthusiastic, idealistic and smart as heck. He recently completed the largest independent study on leadership that has ever been done, during which he interviewed countless numbers of people, including former presidents Jimmy Carter and George HW Bush. Holy hippogriffs. All that is to say, I think he’ll be a fantastic president. I was one of the iStaff (in other words, the student volunteer corps helping out. They’re really trying to reach down to our generation. J)

My duties consisted of Symposia Shuttle Ushering in the morning, and then I went to the Inaugural Worship Service in the Chapel, and then I managed to squeeze in and hour & a half of studying for my first-ever college exam this coming Monday before I had my next and final shift, Campus Ushering. This shift was during the time of the Inaugural Ceremony itself, so sadly I didn’t get to see most of it. And it was indeed sad, because although theoretically myself and the young man working the shift beside me were supposed to assist people in getting where they needed to go around campus, everyone was at the ceremony, so there was practically no one around to assist. Which meant that we spent about two hours standing there doing, on the whole, absolutely nothing. The guy with me was very sweet; he offered to stick around at our station so that I could go and catch some snippets of the ceremony from time to time.

Yes, my first Old Testament exam is in two days. I’m not panicking…yet.

And Lewis Hall had its first all-dorm event the other night—Airband, where each floor choreographs a dance to a song or a song remix, and then we perform to one another. I unfortunately didn’t get to perform because of a mix-up with my rehearsal schedule for the play, even though I technically could have performed; so I was very upset. I did get to catch the first twenty minutes before I had to run off to rehearsal, though. If you would like to check it out...

The Winners: 3rd floor guys (be warned! Funny, but slightly disturbing!)

My floor, 2nd place (naughty word at 1:36-37...just FYI).

I have a work call for lighting in 10 minutes, so I have to go.

Lots of love to everyone, and thanks for ever giving your prayers and support.

Numbers 6:24-26.

Blessings,

Sarah

A Literal and Figurative Hurricane

Hello, everybody!

So sorry for the delay in posting!--things have been extremely crazy, as you're about to hear.

Since I last wrote, we made the 16 hour drive from good old NC to Massachusetts (technically, it's supposed to be 11-12 hours, but of course that's not counting traffic or the HUGE thunderstorm we drove through on the first night, in the dark, on a completely unfamiliar road we had ne'er travelled before. Yikes!) We arrived, I began and have completed Orientation, and have now plunged headfirst into the ocean of college classes. I am currently holed up in my dorm, and will be for the remainder of the day, as the remnants of Hurricane Irene are scheduled to blow through. But, to quote Alice In Wonderland, let me begin at the beginning, and go on until I reach the end, and then stop.

Aside from the thunderstorm, the drive was good. We stopped by our wonderful New Jersey Relatives on the way up for a sadly brief, but treasured visit. By the way, if you are ever in New Jersey or NY, I don't care how far you have to drive, make sure you find a Crumbs bakery!!! Their cupcakes are the size of large muffins (Large muffins), and their Blackout cupcakes are the embodiment of bliss. Hoffmans one and all, I love you!!!

After further driving, we arrived at our hotel in Peabody, close to where Gordon is in Wenham, and with a few days to spare, so we used that time to purchase a great deal of last-minute, but nonetheless essential, supplies.

Then came move-in day. We arrived for the early move-in shift, which was for non-New England residents. I knew I picked the right college the moment we pulled up in front of my new dorm. There was a crowd of orientation staff outside, i.e., older students, and as Sylvia (our silver minivan) pulled up, they all surged forward, cheering and clapping. They then immediately began helping our family unload our stuff onto the sidewalk, introducing themselves as they went. I went in, received my keys, and we all carried stuff up to my new room.

I'm in Lewis Hall, one of the older HUD dorms. The furniture is all attached to the wall because otherwise the funding wouldn't have covered it when it was built many years ago, but I don't mind. I like continuity. Even though it's not the most modern accommodations, I requested to live in a HUD dorm because I had heard they had the best sense of community, and I thought that would be extremely important for me in my first year. I'm not disappointed. Our motto here is "Lewis is for Lovers," and before you gasp at the seemingly inappropriate meaning, what it actually refers to is love between friends. And not just the fairweather kind of love, but the love that involves the storms, the kind of love that causes you to stage an intervention when your friend is doing something they maybe shouldn't do. That's our mission in Lewis. We're the dorm that's closest to the dining hall and the chapel, which is nice, but far away from the Barrington Center for the Arts (yes, that's its name!) where the theatre is, so it's a trade-off. :)

Orientation was crazy. They kept us busy, quite intentionally, so that in theory we wouldn't get too homesick. But saying goodbye to Mom, Dad and Rachel was one of the most painful things I've had to do in a very, very long time. I'm not ashamed to say that I cried. But I didn't have long to dwell on it because the Orientation staff once again burst out of the chapel doors cheering, and we all streamed through a human tunnel into the building where Orientation officially began. I met my O-Crew, who are all awesome, and from there it was a complete blur of Boston day, our crew mascot the llama, preparation sessions on things like how to study, auditions and introductions to our majors and advisor meetings and the crazy hilarious dance that all the O-Staff choreographed, complete with bling and plastic shades. Oh my word. By the end, I had begun to think that I was taking it rather well. I hadn't been too homesick thus far, though I missed Mom and Dad and Rachel like nobody's business.

And then classes began. Well, let's just say I'm a lot more homesick now. I still miss Mom and Dad and Rachel like nobody's business, but it's only just now sinking in that I really am on my own here. To go from being simply an independent teen to being truly alone and treated like a full adult in the span of two weeks is both extremely difficult and utterly terrifying. To say college is a lot of work is an understatement. The responsibility you have to shoulder is frankly just as great a burden in itself as the homework.

The goal of high school is supposedly to prepare you for college, but I can tell you right now that no matter how hard your school keeps your nose to the grindstone academically, nothing can prepare you for that sense of being alone and adrift in a sea of responsibility. Some people might enjoy the new freedom, but I'm not yet sure. And it's not exactly freedom, since I'm working most of the time.

To be fair, I do find some opportunities for fun. I watched a movie with a bunch of girls on the floor above Friday night; the entire population of Lewis and the whole of Chase dorm next door all had a cookout. Last night my roommate Hannah and our neighbor Sarah and Ashley all went out puddle-jumping after the rain, got utterly soaked, and loved it!

So, up here currently, it's just me and my wonderful new friends and my stress. A figurative hurricane of new information, crazy emotions, and new academic styles. And then there's the literal hurricane. The wind is picking up outside; I can see the trees blowing and the rain pouring. But I'm safe and cozy in here, just me and my roommate and my remaining homework. Which, to be honest, I really should get back to.

Thank you all SO much for all your prayers and support. Each and every one of you are still on my mind and heart, even when I'm so far away.

Lots of love from me and from Irene!

Blessings,

Sarah

Confessions of an Almost-Freshmuffin

Hi there, everyone!

Firstly, by way of explanation. I'm touched by how many people have said that they want to keep in touch with me! (Yes, I know, very punny, Sarah--but it's true.) However, that means that, realistically speaking, I will not have the time to write everyone individualized update e-mails on a regular basis, even though I would have preferred to have done that.

"But then," you might ask, "why not just write a generic e-mail and create an e-mail list?" I suppose I could, but, to be frank, blogs are cooler. And I can see what I've already talked about, so that I don't repeat myself. I can see what I've already talked about, so that I don't repeat myself.

Thus, Talk to the Hand is born! I will post updates here on occasion concerning how I am, what I'm up to (muahahaha!), prayer requests, wacky stories, etc. Please feel free to leave your own updates in comments, or send me an e-mail. I really want to hear from you all, too!

It is now 1 week to departure. People ask me how I'm feeling, and the truth is, I'm not really sure. I suppose I'm a little excited, but the truth is, I'm more afraid. People reassure me that the fear is normal. I know that it's normal, but just because a fear bears the "normal" label, it doesn't make the fear any less pronounced...

Please keep me in your prayers, and thanks to you all for being the most wonderful family, friends, teachers, and just generally the greatest compilation of support that an almost-freshmuffin could ask for!

("Fresh-muffin?"...long story. But don't let my eccentricities deter you from reading!)