In case the title didn't make it alarmingly clear, I am cold. No, freezing. I have to stop typing every few seconds and warm up my fingers, because the heat is not yet on in my dorm, and according to the weather app on my phone, it is a whopping 30 degrees outside. Actually, I'm thankful for that because it was NINE degrees last night (without taking windchill into account!), and so it was all I could do to prevent myself from freezing into a Sarah-sicle.
You might ask why on earth the heat would not be on in a dorm in Massachusetts on a raw January night, but it's probably because term hasn't officially started. The dorms aren't even supposed to officially open until 2pm tomorrow, but I returned early to rehearse for HMS Pinafore, the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta that Gordon campus will be presenting in just a few short weeks. As is usual with theater, rehearsals are long and demanding, but I'm having so much fun! (Thankfully, the most dramatic thing that's happened to date [at least, that I'm aware of] is someone opening the door to the "main cabin" inward, instead of OUTward, like it was hinged. The wood of the door was so thin that, when opened the wrong way, the door simply splintered away from the hinges themselves, but it was able to be fixed. Phew!)
At first, I admit, I was regretting giving up more than a week of my winter break, but it's well worth it. I don't get very many opportunities to sing anymore, since I couldn't fit Women's Choir into my schedule, and I can't read music besides--and, for the icing on the cake, Mom flew up with me when I came back last Monday, so I got to enjoy her wonderful company for a few more days! Rehearsal and family--I wouldn't mind it being that way all semester, come to think of it. I think giving up a week to participate in a production is better for me in the long run, since I'm such a goal-oriented person; it would be really hard to come back from a one-month break, only to have nothing but weeks of academia stretching out before me. :P Thank goodness I have a fun show to work towards as campus gears back up later this week!
We Gordonians actually have a really long break--one month! Holy hippogriffs, to use one of my favorite phrases. This was one of the craziest Christmases I can remember, but still good and the break was much needed. I miss my family like nobody's business already. Classes begin on Thursday, and many more people should be coming back in the next two days, so the ghost town that is currently Gordon College should hopefully revive shortly. It's kind of creepy how quiet campus has been, to be perfectly honest. Praise God that Gordon is one of those places where it is still safe, despite its ghost-town-feel.
Perhaps this is an opportunity for me to say something that's been on my heart awhile. In the quiet, I've been able to hear myself think, thus have quite a few thoughts stored up on this particular subject. Brace yourselves.
Firstly, it bugs the heck out of me that, as soon as one heads off to college, our culture expects one to be fully mature and self-sufficient. Secondly, it appears to me as though missing your family, at least at college, comes across as...immature. I know this is definitely not always true, and if you asked a lot of people they'd tell you that there's definitely nothing wrong with missing your family--yet this is how it seems. I know I miss my family desperately, yet no one else seems to. I know that others do indeed miss their families; I just never see it because they never show it. Or, if they do, it's a thing that's mentioned offhand, blown off as kind of a "Yeah, whatevs--that's just the way things are." But my question is, Why? Why is this the case?s
I'm ashamed to say that, as I sometimes lie in bed at night, crying, and longing for my mom, I feel a sense of shame. Why do I feel shame for something that ought to be perfectly normal!? Why do I feel ashamed of my own weakness--why do I even consider it a weakness!--to be missing my family so much, when separation anxiety should be a perfectly natural response, especially considering we're separated by 613 miles!
There is undeniably something about our culture that dictates that crying for one's mother in adulthood is unacceptable. After you're past the age where you called your parents to pick you up from your first sleepover in Kindergarten, you no longer have any excuse. Reaching adulthood suddenly makes dependence, physical and emotional, a source of shame. While many cultures hold family connections as the most crucially important of bonds, would rather wither than sever the roots of their family tree, our culture does the opposite. In an era and a culture where the "normal" family is the one where the child sees one parent only on weekends and every other Wednesday, independence has become not just a coping mechanism, but an idol. It is not the way things ought to be. At all. And I HATE it. Unabashedly.
Though, in an odd, backwards way, I'm glad to be missing my family so much still. I know that I'm blessed with something many college students are not--a whole, peaceful and deeply loving family to miss. Praise be to God.
Anyway, thus are my musings for the day. Prayers for a good semester, academically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, etc....would be greatly appreciated. Lots of love to all!
Blessings,
Sarah
Sarah - It's normal. I vividly remember feeling exactly that way in college. Meanwhile, my bunk mate was getting increasingly serious about her boyfriend, who she ultimately married, so it felt like we were in different worlds. I caught up - I'm happily married with a family of my own, though i still miss my overseas parents very much, and hope that after my kids have their adventures, they ultimately make their nests close to home!
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